Just another day

So no news yet.  It's Friday, and they are supposed to be reviewing our papers this week.  I was fine handling my anxiety Monday, Tuesday.  Wednesday I started checking the email.  Yesterday I checked it every hour.  Today...I'm just trying to breathe through it.  I know that not hearing doesn't mean anything.  But the email I receive could be a match - the name and a face of some little boy.  Proof that this is actually going to happen.  It could also be an email that tells us that the agency has changed its mind, that they decided against doing an adoption with us, because we're not with their agency, or because we're in the US, or because...well just because.  Or it could be an email saying they need more papers, or updated papers, or certified papers, which will mean more waiting.  Or...it could just say they've been busy and they'll review our application next week. 
And if they've been busy - I know it's for a good reason.  Maybe they are investigating some little child's history.  Maybe they found someone who knows about one of the babies they've found.  Maybe finally someone has come forward to claim the child left in the market, the one left in the back of a taxi, or the one hung on a fence in a cloth bag.  Maybe the father of the baby who had hoped to come back and get his child after he has found a job and means to feed her has found that job.  Maybe there is some new little kid who has been dropped off at their gate, or another parent has died of AIDS.  Maybe they are in meetings to get certified to actually do adoptions with the US and therefore with us.  There are so many issues far greater than my anxiety that they are dealing with.  I'm grateful that I was there - that I saw how much the two directors are in charge of.  That I met the children who they are taking such great care of.

What's another day?

The orphanage is so nicely run.  It is a clean, friendly building, with a big backyard.  It is safely fenced & gated, with a security guard 24 hours.  There are 2 caretakers at all times, and there is a cook.  The social worker is usually out doing the required 5 weeks of research into the family of any possible orphan.  I am still surprised at how healthy the children seemed.  I know they are dropped off with many issues - AIDS & malnutrition being the most common obstacles.  The 10 children I met were well dressed, clean and content.  The younger children wore diapers - I had heard of orphanages that can't afford diapers and let the children run around bare-bottomed.  The cement floors are cleaned with a "pee mop" after accidents.  I was prepared for underweight and scared kids.  I know these children have seen misfortune, sickness, death and abandonment.  But they have also known love, care and compassion.  There will undoubtedly be issues that surface with any child we adopt.  But I feel so happy to know that they are being cared for in a warm environment - they are held and fed and cleaned and kissed.  They have crayons and books and their own beds.  Soon one of them will come to our home.  Please please please.