Monday, 29 April 2013

Song of myself

There I am.
I can recognize more of myself now.
That new person is still me, mostly me.
The spinning circles around my body have solidified into shapes I know, children I love.
I am held together by the cage of support, woven for me by my husband, in which I am completely free and also fortified, made stronger.
My heart is more fluid- can it be possible?- I ache for this world I have met, and I rejoice in my part in it.
My heart drips, and I struggle; I yell and am impatient. Thoughts of carefree days and running away are tangled into my ever deepening responsibility.
I look, and am lit on fire upon seeing the sparks of curiosity in my children. And I am smothered by the very arms I adore.

The hills and valleys of life are no easier for me for having chosen this path..
There are days my eyes can hone in and see in technicolor this beautiful and tragic world and it can pull me under or raise me up.
It is a strange comfort, learning to love who I am at this moment, after all of my stops and starts. Being proud of whom I have struggled to become.
I can look back on the road behind me and be content, neither wishing I were starting over, nor at the end of my journey
No longer in danger of sinking, I can take to shore those I have chosen to take care of.
And this is my way in the world.  And the strange and glorious and rich and sometimes overwhelming life is of my making.  I hold it in my hands, like an ember of fire that needs my breath to grow.
And I blow.

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